Getting personal

Trying to get inspired to write anything has been really hard.  I feel like I have too much on my plate right now and to be completely honest, I'm starting to get unmotivated.  I want people to read my books and tell me what they think.  Yes, I've had some of my friends write reviews but really, I only have 7 for Cutting Through and only 3 for Back To Me (all from the same people).  I poured my heart into Cutting Through.  Yes, the story was extremely personal to me.  I know I said it wasn't my story, because it isn't, but so much of it I went through myself.  With Back To Me, it was different.  I hadn't really experience any of it, maybe just one part, but I still poured myself into it.  It might not have been personal, but it was still emotional.  Having only a handful of people reading them has really bummed me out lately.  I've said it before and I've meant it every time, I don't care about the money.  I just want people to read my books and feel the things I did when I wrote them.  I want people to be responsive.  I want to thank the people who have reached out to me and told me what they thought and the people who have left reviews.  I want to know what people think.  Good and bad.  I know there are errors in my books, I don't have the best grammar and punctuation and all that shit.  I don't need to hear about that because I already know, trust me!  What I want to know is if you enjoyed the story?  Did you like the characters?  What was your favorite part?  What did you hate about it?  I would love to have more people write reviews on Amazon and Goodreads!  Make them anonymous if you don't want me to know it's yours!

Too much time on my hands

So, as some of you know already, today was my last day at my job.  What does that mean for me?  Well, unfortunately, unemployment until I can find a new job.  That sounds great right?  Now I have all this extra time to write.  I can get my next book done in record time!!!  But there's a problem.  I've got nothin'!  Ok, maybe not nothing, but very little.  I know I want to do 2 spin off books from Back To Me.  One book will follow Faith and the other Dan, and I already have their love interests, but their full stories haven't come to me yet.  I have more of Dan and Christine's story in my head so I would probably start on that one first.  It's just annoying that now that I have all this free time I should be getting writing done.  This is just how my life goes I guess.  If anyone has read Back To Me and wants to share their thoughts on Dan and Christine or even Faith I would love to hear it!
Also, I know some of you really want a second book for Cutting Through.  I have thought about it but I'm still not feeling it.  If that changes I will let you all know!  But in the mean time, read Back To Me.  It's a bit different from Cutting Through but it's still worth the read.  It's a love story.  How can you go wrong!?

who cares, right?

As the royalties pour in from the new book (LMFAO) I sit and think about how I can get more people to read my books.  Hell, I can't even get some of my friends/family to buy them, how the hell am I going to get strangers to buy them?  I've said before that I don't care how much money I make on my books and that's true, however I still want to make something!  I know if I put Back To Me on for a free promo a lot of people will scoop it up, but the problem with that is that they aren't necessarily reading it!  I had hundreds of people get Cutting Through during the free promo, but I only got 3 ratings and one very bad review out of it.  Yes I did get other reviews from friends and family but I can't be certain that those are not bias opinions.  I mean so many people said they loved the first book but yet they haven't bought the second one yet.  I've said this before too, I am not a patient person!  I over think everything and I'm hyper critical of myself so every time I check for sales it kills me a little each time.  Every time I ask for suggestions I usually don't get any responses so I won't ask.  BUT, I will make a desperate plea that if you have read one of my books and liked it please recommend it to a friend, co-worker, neighbor.  If you are on Goodreads please either rate the book or leave a review.  PLEASE!!!  Thank you!

Starry Nights for inspiration

As I read different books I see similarities in characters and story lines.  I have said before that music helps inspire me to write my stories or puts me in the right mood when I need to be in a certain frame of mind.  I think that a lot of artists use other people's creations to inspire them.  Is that a downfall?  Some may think so because it may appear there is a lack of independent creativity, but on the other hand, you are taking something that already exists and turning it into something new, something that has your unique twist to it.
When I was in college I took a creative writing-poetry class.  I loved it!  But I have to say, most of the assignments I just used poems that I had already written.  Until the professor said we needed to write a poem based off of a piece of art.  I of course chose to write a poem about one of my favorite paintings, Van Gogh 's Starry Night.  What came out of me was so much more than what I had anticipated.  I think by writing this poem it helped me understand why I connected with this particular piece.  I think that having these works of art to inspire you helps to push you to a level you didn't know existed.  They make you feel things deep down that help you discover who you are.  And being able to express yourself by using them as tools is a compliment to the artist.
Here is the poem (as you know it is very rare for me to share these)

Vincent's Starry Night

I view this painting and I see
a moon, a town, a tree and stars.
I feel the swirling wind on the
back of my neck with the
colors and shades you used;
blues, yellows, black and white.
At first glance I sense:
peace, warmth, tranquility.
You've shown me a
quiet, peaceful, sane
life that doesn't exist
for anyone, especially you.
With each revealing stroke:
blunt, rough, choppy,
I start to understand
what is really being slapped
onto the canvas:
deception, betrayal, hurt and lies.
The way you've conveyed
this night is as crazy as you.
And it is frightening that
I understand the hidden meaning,
because this too is
my town, my moon, my stars, my lies.

getting inside my head

I am at a part in my book that has been extremely hard for me to write.  I have tried to wrap my head around the pain and suffering of this character but I have been finding it hard to express it in words.  How do you express emotions from events that you know nothing about?
My first attempt was no good.  My second was not much better. My "editor" told me it didn't feel right.  I struggled for days trying to get into the mindset of this person, trying to feel what she might be feeling.  It wasn't until I was having a blah kind of day and just channeled my own demons and was able to get something a bit more real on paper.
After resubmitting the piece I got a more favorable review and I edited it into the book.  Some days writing a story can take everything out of you, but in the end gives you so much.

How many??

I know, I know, I haven't written a blog in a while!  I'm sorry!!!  But I finally have a moment (and a thought) to write.

So, as you know I was struggling there for a while with writing anything.  My last blog probably wasn't that exciting, because all my other ones were!  But I have been able to push past it and I have hit the 200 mark!!
When I tell people what page I'm on the most common question I get asked is, "How many pages is the book going to be?"  I hate that question, because I don't know if I can answer it.  When I start a story I don't set a goal as to how many pages it will be because I don't really know.  I write until the story is told and not to a certain page.  I mean I hope that the book will end up being at least 250-300 pages, but if the story is done before that than so be it!
I usually know the beginning and the end of my books before I start writing and bits and pieces in between, but to be able to tell you how many pages it will take to get to those points. I have no idea!  The spaces in between are usually where I get stuck, but sometimes they end up being some of the best parts of the story.
Well, since I've been on a roll writing my latest I am off to get some pages done!  I will try to write another blog soon and not wait so long!

Under Pressure

So, I said I was going to try something new to help me out of my slump.  One problem...  I CAN'T write!!!  I haven't written a single thing in over two weeks!!!  I'm forcing myself to write this right now.  Why you ask?  Well that is an excellent question.  I have been asking myself that for the last two weeks.  But I think I might have finally figured it out.

STRESS!

I have been extremely stressed out in all areas of my life.  I was hoping a vacation from work would have helped but it didn't.  It actually made things worse, go figure. Although it was great getting away from the daily bullshit of my full-time job, instead I got to stay home and deal with the daily bullshit of my kids on summer vacation.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my boys, but my God they can drive a person nuts!  I was starting to think they had turned into vampires due to their reluctency of spending any time in the sunlight!
I had planned to get so much writing done on this vacation.  It started out great but then fizzled fast.  Had an emotional meltdown causing me to lack the motivation to do anything and then after a week of not a single word, I began to panic.  I want this new book done before the end of the year.  Setting a mental deadline was putting pressure on me.  Everyday that I wasn't writing something was another day closer to missing that deadline.  But every time I looked at the netbook I just kept walking past it.  I didn't want to sit in front of it and feel like a failure.
Now I'm back at work and the stress has doubled.  I hate this time of year!  The week before the kids go back to school is always extremely stressful for me.  My babysitters become less available, work becomes crazy and my husband (due to our schedules/jobs) becomes a figment of my imagination.
I'm hoping that now that I have figured out what is causing my problem I can start to fix it.  I was thinking I could take up drinking, but that usually never ends well.  So, any ideas to help me destress are welcome.  Any help I can get to get "back to me."
See what I did there?  I crack myself up!