Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Back To Me

I think I wanted to get a tattoo before I was even at the legal age, but never got one because I have issues with permanent decisions. LOL!  But last year for my birthday I finally did it!  I thought long and hard about what I wanted to have and where.  People have since questioned me about it and some have even teased me, but in the end I couldn't be happier with it.  
The whole process only took me about 20 years!  I was scared to get one because I didn't want to regret my choice in a year or two. If I did a picture or a name or even a symbol, would it be relevant to me in the future?  So I waited.  But last year was the year, the year of me.  I accomplished so many things for myself and I wanted to celebrate it.  So I sat down and drew a few designs, but still wasn't sure, and then it hit me.
Years ago I had written a poem and the last line of it (although the poem is about a different circumstance) just fit my life at that moment, so that was what I decided on.   I knew that having something that I had personally written would be relevant and have meaning forever.  The poem is actually about being strong enough to fight your way back to yourself.  In a way that was what I was doing last year.  Writing this book was a dream of mine that I had put on the back burner so that I could be a wife and mother.  I kind of lost who I was along the way.  You get lost in your roles of life and sometimes forget who you were.
This book is who I am and what I want to be doing.  I love that my kids were able to be part of the experience and see that you can make your dreams come true if you fight hard enough.  
So I will show off my tattoo and be proud of it and of myself.  I proved that I am strong enough to do the things I've dreamed of doing even though they may scare the shit out of me!  And that is why I named my second book Back To Me.  It was the perfect fit for the story.

Here is the poem in it's entirely:

By Amy Heileman Ben-Kiki

I remember running into you
Our eyes met and my heart
Raced furiously from head to toe.
Your bright smile blinded me
from seeing anything
Other than you.

I remember running to you
When you said that you loved me.
These words deafened
Me from reason
And made me sense
What wasn't there.

I remember running with you
On the sun stroked beach.
The world disappeared
With the sensations of your lips.
The warmth that filled me
Took the chill from the air.

I remember running from you
When you raised an open fist.
Your jealous rage had
Thrown me to the ground and
Awoken me from a deep unconscious.

And I remember running back.....
                                            To Me.

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